My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
