Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
