My underwear smells like fireworks.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
These tits shall not be calmed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
