Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
