I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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