Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize