saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize