Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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