drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
