saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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