She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
