He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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