dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Even the bartender felt bad for me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
