i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
