He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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