North Korea, Best Korea!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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