the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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