I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
