Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
