ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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