How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
