Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
