Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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