i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How does one acquire holy water?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
