guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
