I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I am one with the molecules
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
