a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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