so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
