The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just found a bag of teeth...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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