This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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