Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
