I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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