Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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