im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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