She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
