omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
