I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
