i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
