so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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