I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize