im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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