cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
