Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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