I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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