Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
