dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
