What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
