What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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