Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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