Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there's paper in my vomit.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
