dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
