I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
