At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
