my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
