Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
