Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
