The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
