I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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