my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
