It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
