I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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