bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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