Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
